Currently Listening Fight Club: Original Motion Picture Score By The Dust Brothers see related

Ok, this is entry is going to be a little heavy, but I doubt many people with read it. Also, then it’s finally off my chest. I get to vent. Oh, what’s the point? Why should I vent to a stupid blog on a computer? Why am I putting my life out where other’s can see and judge me for it? Why don’t I just jump around and act life is fucking grand. Fuck. I’m pissed.

Maybe, I put myself out there, so people will judge me. Once you pick a side, I know who you really are as a person. You can’t just stand and try to mask yourself. I hate fakes, more than myself. I hate the whole superficial nonsense; I hate this lie that society lives.

Today was supposed to be a new day, a new start, and what has it turned into? A circus starring Satan and Tim’s emotions. I’m sorry, but I’m angry with God. I messed up, but at least God could give me some direction. I’m at the very back of a cave without a light, trying to find the entrance. I can’t do it without God. Yeah, I realize this, but where is He? Or maybe I’m relying on Him too much. I thought that was the point, but I’m my own worst enemy. I’ll take responsibility for this whole mess called my life and the pain I’ve inflicted on others, but that means I did it. So I am my enemy. I have a problem. There’s a mountain of crap, lies, anger, bitterness, deceit, shame, guilt, bitterness, and pain to sort through and deal with, and I don’t know where to start. Supposedly I’m just supposed to walk through my day and do what need’s to be done. THIS NEED’S TO BE DONE. I NEED TO ADDRESS THIS. What am I supposed to wait for? Frustrated. Really frustrated. Impatient. Scared. Doubting myself. I am the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. I know it’s not true, but I believe it.

Fine, I’m going to try to start making something of today and my life. Well, try…

“Do or do not; there is no try.”

Shut up, Yoda.

OK OK OK...I haven't updated in forever...not that anyone ever reads it so...well, not much new...just went through a dry spell in cash so that pretty much limited everything...quit the painting job...I think they still owe me a check...and GOT A JOB AT SHEPHERDS HOLLOW GOLF COURSE...it's SWEET...I like it...work the carts and bag area...I make tons of CASH so good...and now training for server...no clue how that happened...but I am, really nervous though...I not going to be able to train on a busy night though and there's still alot to learn...I'm just worried about dealing with a bunch of tables at once...I know I have diffuculty with that but it looks like it's going to be learn as you go...PLEASE PRAY...tomorrow I'm gonna see if my trainer will let me do the orders and everything so...we'll see...ha...I just realized I refer to myself in the plural alot...probably cause I feel like two people inside...one Tim who knows what he should do and another Tim that wants to do what he wants...yeah, MAJOR battles inside between the two alot...ALOT...well, I'm sure everyone has that...still working at Office Max...boring as HELL...I don't like it...applied to Borders so have to check up on that...but most of my schedule is dedicated to Shepherd's Hollow...at least the cash flow is picking up...PRAISE GOD...but it will disappear with bills and everything...so DAMN IT!!!

Ok...I'm rambling...but yeah...I haven't talked to people in awhile...just schedules haven't worked out or well me being stupid...BUT I realized summers almost over and I have see people...so I'm FREAKING OUT...well, I'll have to change that...AND have to get to the beach...so even though I'm working 3 jobs...I WILL FIND TIME...and see people...so hopefully talk to you soon...NO PHONE TAG...I'm sick of that...anyway...God Bless!!!

Currently Listening Led Zeppelin II By Led Zeppelin see related

WOOHOOOOOOOO!!! What a weekend!!! Emily came over with her boyfriend, Scott...Her, Scott, Laura (my love), and I spent the weekend together!!! It was AWESOME!!! SO she came over Friday...we hopped in my car (which is being ghetto because the ignition switch is stuck (in won't turn off!), so I have to remove a fuse and disconnect the battery...oh well...) and went down to Dearborn and picked up my lovely girlfriend...THEN off to CANADA!!!

Checked into the hotel, which was a slight hassle, but went to THE WHISKEY for dinner...it's a piano bar but no one was playing...got to see part of the Piston's game (DAMN YOU, HEAT!!!)...anyway...had a round...then back to the hotel and onto the STRIP...let me stop and say I will remember this night for a long time...Beautiful girlfriend (memory saved...HOT!!!)...great friends...awesome place...then onto the clubs...shots and beer everywhere...went back to the hotel...played a little pool...took a break up in the room with the girlfriend...relaxed...then BACK AT IT...Woody's was jumping...more shots and beer...by then Emily was drunk and I was there too...had some fun on the dance floor...WOOHOO!!! Finally, back to the hotel and crashed...BOOM...on the bed...

Woke up the next day...not so much hung over, but tired...but had to cross the border, so we packed up...had to find Laura's birth certificate...HOLD BREATH...found it...came back to my home, MICHIGAN, UNITED STATES...went to breakfest...then onto GREENFIELD VILLAGE...that was fun...so we go there and start walking around...by the way we got in FREE...cause Laura works for Henry Ford Musuem...YES...anyway...they changed alot of stuff around...it was a bit confusing...but ANYWAY...we went and saw where Laura worked...Firestone (tires) Farm...saw some cows with horns and little lambs...had a discussion with Scott about how well made buildings were back then and they didn't really use nails...just pegs and notches in the wood...from there...to the TRAIN...THEN this storm sweeps in and we get soaked...even though we're in the train car...the wind blows the rain sideways and my butt was soaked...so we rode the train...then got off and walked to the CAROUSEL (sp?)...and Emily rode a COCK...yes, a COCK...Laura rode a dog (of course)...and Scott and I raced the horses and I won by a nail...YEAH!!! but anyway, then we got to ride the MODEL-Ts...amazing cars...alot different from the modern cars...but still really cool...alot of fun...I guess Scott loved it...yeah...then got some fooood...then walked around...then we to leave...but we had loads of laughs...

Then came back home...had a great BBQ made by my wonderful parents (Thanks Mom and Dad)...then went and saw "Break-Up"...ok...funny...then finally saw the end of X-men 3...yeah sneaked in and saw the end of it...IT WASN'T WORTH IT...ooooo Xavier's back...BIG WHOOP!!! ANYWAY...then went back home...talked about home (Grand Rapids and Holland) with Emily, Scott, and my family...alot is changing...kinda sad...but it's still a GREAT PLACE...gotta take Laura back there...and anyone else who wants to come (ANY TAKERS????)...then crashed...

Then got woken up this morning by the girls...goofy girls...then went got breakfest and then Laura left for work ...Emily and Scott left...sad...and I'm here now writing...

Well, that was possibly MY LAST RIDE!!! Kinda like the LAST RIDE of Wyatt Earp and his Immortals...yeah, "Tombstone"...anyway gotta go to court tomorrow...have to deal with an illegal turn...I didn't see the sign, so hopefully I can battle it...but God only knows...cause I might have...but anyone...if this was my last ride...it was very EXCELLANT!!! Thanks to Emily and Scott for coming over and hanging with me and the girl...IT WAS THE BEST!!! Glad I could take you Canada virginity, EmilY!!! Scott, great to meet you...you're an awesome guy...hope to see you later this summer...you too, Emily...love ya, babe...

Anyway...I know I haven't updated in awhile...that's because not much has been happening...Geology class...work...and the girlfriend...not much besides that...friends here and there...I'm gonna make more of an effort to see everyone...and I will see everyone this summer...somehow...spiritual life is struggling...I'm not on a highway to Hell like I was before...but I'm still not going like I should...lots to do...lots to change...

There's alot to be done for the future...degrees to research...schools to find...a Lord to come back to...friends to see...some much to do...with the Lord's Grace and Help...I will do it...leave a message...love ya'll...